Do you remember when I told you that I had a case of the BLAHs? I realized that God had placed some holy discontent into my life to get me out of my rut and move me forward.
Things were getting better there for a while. I got a workbook about burnout and compassion fatigue. I started reading it and took the tests to see just how burned out I was, how badly beaten and fatigued that my compassion had become.
Guess what? I’m not burned out and I don’t have compassion fatigue.
Apparently, the longer you are a practicing counselor the more likely you have let go of unrealistic beliefs about what you should be able to achieve and have accepted that you will have unlimited capacity for compassion and giving.
I took those tests and discovered that I was just fine, scoring somewhere in the range where folks who’ve been in the industry over 10 years tend to score.
It was great relief.
I also started doing things that bring me happiness just to do them. I started baking regularly and trying new recipes for weekend dinners. It was fun! I love to bake and I love to watch baking shows.
I was starting to smile and laugh and feel human again and I felt like my holy discontent was lifting.
A colleague gave me some feedback that was very uncomfortable, and while I’m not sure it’s accurate, I’m also not sure that it isn’t right on the money. I have chewed on this feedback for more than two days now, and I’m beginning to find streaks of truth that I want to understand more deeply.
It’s not fun. I’m teary and uncomfortable. I feel vulnerable and exposed. I don’t like this one bit.
On the other hand, I told you that God has this kind habit of putting people in my path to help me discern His will, and then I asked Him to break my heart and set me on fire for His Kingdom.
Well…my heart feels a little broken and this person was definitely in my path.
As much as I don’t like it, I do believe God is answering my prayer. And while it isn’t comfortable, answers to prayer are always good news. I also know that following God’s will can be profoundly disturbing when you first start down the path, but God always works amazing miracles around us and in us when we submit to Him fully.
It appears the holy discontent train has left the station with me on board and I am on my way. I’ll keep you posted as things develop.