I spend a lot of time with anxious people.
Some of them are anxious because they have anxiety disorders. Some are anxious because they are dealing with PTSD and trauma. Some are anxious because they have an addict in their household and they are exhausted from trying to save that person (and their entire family) from the consequences of addiction. These folks have really good reasons for their anxiety, and learning to deal with the anxiety is about learning to accept what can’t be changed and address what can be changed (usually the answers to those two questions are ‘other people’ and ‘your own behaviors and attitudes’…but that’s another blog post entirely.)
Lately though, I have been seeing a woman who is anxious because…well, because…
Of life. She is anxious because…career, boss, bad friends, what now? She is anxious because of life.
She’s a great lady and I love working with her. She’s really serious about the change she’s trying to achieve and actually remembers what we talk about and tries to work on it between sessions. She is what we counselors call a YAVIS client: young, attractive, verbal, intelligent, and social. Personally, I’m guessing she’d be really thrilled to know that I label her as a YAVIS client, first because she’s a little older than I am, and second, because YAVIS clients are usually there to see a counselor because they are having an existential crisis instead of serious mental health issues.
existential crisis: a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value.
During our last session, my client brought me a list of what she thinks she needs to be working on in counseling. One of her goals was to work on finding a purpose for her life, a larger reason for being. She felt like her current career, while it earned her a good living, was not very meaningful and did not provide her with sufficient purpose. She wanted to find her purpose in life so that she could get busy living out her purpose.
That was when I put on the brakes.
You see, what I heard my client saying was that God’s purpose for her life was something other than what she was doing right now and that she wouldn’t really be living out her God-given purpose until she found that purpose and then began to fulfill it, daily. In other words, “I’m not doing what I need to be doing and my life has no meaning or purpose until I do the thing I need to be doing.”
Wow…that’s a troublesome idea. And I’m betting that my client is not the only person who has this idea.
The problem with this idea is the way we tend to define purpose. Purpose is a big, weighty word that implies something deeply meaningful, something incredibly impactful…our purpose is supposed to be the thing we do that makes a difference in the world.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? And for most of us, our purpose is tied in pretty heavily with our careers or our daily jobs. I’m guessing that any job that helps us fulfill our God-given purpose is going to be something impressive, like a teacher, a civil rights lawyer, or a doctor; a trauma counselor, or a pastor or maybe a person who works with the disabled. There are plenty of careers that will fill our lives with purpose and give us a chance to make a difference in the world.
Actually, it doesn’t matter what you are doing as your career or as your current job…if you are out there, living your life, doing your best to be good human being then you are fulfilling your purpose right there, where you are, and that’s all there is to it.
Personally, my favorite job that makes a difference in the world is…
The cashier at the grocery store.
Yep…you read that right. The cashier at the grocery store.
A couple of years ago, I went grocery shopping and was just overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff I needed to get done that day. I was harried and in a bad mood, wishing that I could clone myself so that the work would get done quicker. When I got to the front of the checkout line I immediately started writing out my check (okay…it was probably closer to 20 years ago) and didn’t even look at the cashier. He greeted me with a casual “How are you today?” and I answered truthfully “Harried.” He immediately replied “I know! Doesn’t it make you feel really alive when you’re busy like that?”
That was when I looked up at him, thinking I was going to find myself face to face with Happy Elf, or The Grocery Unicorn, or some other mythical creature of that sort. Instead I was greeted by a man obviously going through chemo. He didn’t have a strand of hair anywhere on his head and he was bone thin and pale. He was grinning at me, genuinely happy to be ringing up my groceries and talking with me. He radiated joy.
It was an instant attitude adjuster.
I didn’t feel guilty or shamed. I didn’t feel like a bad human being. I just suddenly recognized how profoundly lucky and blessed I was to be standing there, totally healthy, buying groceries for my growing family. I was blessed with sufficient funds to feed my children without worries. I had a list of tasks as long as my arm because my children were healthy and active, and because both my husband and I had full-time jobs which meant that I had to do all my errands and shopping on the weekends. I was very busy…and it did make me feel alive. Burdened, but gloriously alive.
Talk about making a difference in the world! This guy had his purpose nailed and he was living out that purpose, right there, ringing up the groceries at the Albertsons.
The key to fulfilling your purpose to know, first and foremost, that you are able to fulfill your purpose in life exactly where you are, doing what you are doing…right now. You don’t have to wait until you finish your degree or until you change careers or until you get married or get divorced or…anything. You are valuable where you are right now, doing whatever you are doing.
If you want to fulfill your purpose in life, start by being yourself…be who God created you to be, all the time, and give your gifts to the world whenever you can. Be the best version of you that you can, and do your best to draw out the best in others.
And if God calls you to a bigger purpose, or to express your purpose in a different way, know that you have been living a meaningful, purpose-filled life every minute until now and are about to go on an adventure to see what other great things God can do through you.
Enjoy your adventure!
I’m sure enjoying mine.